"Worry is a thin stream of fear trickling through the mind. If encouraged, it cuts a channel into which all other thoughts are drained"- Arthur Somers Roche
For the past few weeks I have been dealing with some extremely debilitating anxiety and fear when it comes to working with Avalon. Aside from a few typical spooks, she has never proven that she is dangerous and unpredictable. Not once. She ties, will follow me anywhere, runs to the fence line when I get to the barn to say hello, enjoys the time I spend working with her, she picks up her feet, loves to be brushed, doesn't kick, pin her ears, doesn't take off, doesn't do anything that should make me not trust her. But, for the past few weeks I have been so nervous working with her that my palms get clammy, I get dizzy, feel like I'm going to throw up, and then won't do anything with her outside her paddock. I am not sure if the past two years with Finn has made me become this person or what...can a horse really screw me up this much? My entire car ride up to the barn I literally think about all the things that could happen and when I get there I choose to brush her in her paddock, play with her a bit, then leave. My confidence is just completely shot. On a positive note, I feel more of a bond with this little filly in a month, then I ever did with Finn in two years. But the fear and anxiety are completely debilitating. The other day me and hubby went up to the barn and after spending about twenty minutes in her paddock brushing her and playing with her he decided to stick the rope halter on her and take her for a walk. He walked her all over the property for about 40 minutes. At one point he had her in the blueberry patch a good distance from the barn, further than she's been, and he said "should I take her the long way, up the dirt road, and loop back around to the barn?" (WAY further than she's ever been). I said no, not a good idea. He did it anyway. Of course, she was an angel and didn't put a hoof out of place, or act like she was nervous. So what is it about me that I can't do this stuff? I honestly think I am past the help of a trainer and I need therapy. A sports therapist? A regular therapist? Who do I see? What do I do? I can't just get over it. I can't just think positive thoughts. It doesn't work. After hubby worked with baby for a while, and seeing that she was fine and wasn't going to do anything, I did walk her down the trail for the first time ever. She absolutely loved it, had her ears pricked the whole time, and had no issues walking away from the barn and the other horses. She's really an angel. I have no reason to feel the way I do. I'd love to get some suggestions from my fellow bloggers and readers!!