A not so great ride

Finn was not himself today. The weather was beautiful and all I wanted was a nice ride in the outdoor. What I got was a horse that was lazy, dead to my leg, and look-y/spooky at the same time. I don't think Finn is very happy with his current bit, this one, as it seems to be pulling a little through his mouth. I also think the apple flavor is just too much for him. He wants, and tries, to chew the bit to pieces. I've had him in a Myler comfort snaffle in the past, but I think I might try a single jointed baucher, possibly this one. Finn loves to play with all bits and it's a balancing act trying to get him to listen to me and keep my hands soft and quiet. I was really mad at him today. Our ride looked mostly like this, with Finn's best impersonation of a baby giraffe:

Could it be that my hands are in my lap, my elbows are locked, and there is absolutely NO elastic contact? Could it be I'm a horrible rider when I don't work with a trainer for a few weeks? No wonder he was bracing against me. I left the barn angry and upset for wasting half of my day off. 

Then I went home and uploaded a bunch of pictures hubby took of us today and compared them to pictures from last April. And I guess you could say there's been some progress. The horrifying results below:

OH MY GOD. Looking at that last picture of us cantering...probably the most embarrassing equestrian picture of me ever. I could have kissed his ears....I THANK GOD that my horse is the most forgiving creature ON EARTH. I would like to blame this on an ill fitting saddle that pitched me forward horribly, but it wasn't all that.
    But you know what, last April, I wasn't thinking about my horrible riding. I was just so happy to have a horse of my own. I didn't have that feeling of enjoyment at all today and that's really not fair to Finn. We've come so far together in a year. I've taken him from a rearing, green, out of shape TB, and have turned him into a happy, trusting, and (mostly) willing partner. I've come a LONG way as a rider too, and to forget where we were to where we are now is something I don't want to do. I let today's ride ruin my whole day. We had some beautiful moments today amid the ugly. I really need to find a trainer to work with us for a month before we move. The trainer I loved, and had coming up weekly, can't anymore because she hasn't renewed her off property insurance. Surprisingly, it's pretty difficult to find an instructor with off property insurance to come give us lessons.
     Tomorrow afternoon it's back to the barn to apologize to my horse.