"...to have and to hold from this day forward,
for better or for worse, for richer, for poorer,
in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish;
from this day forward until death do us part".
When I adopted Finn I feel like wedding vows would have been more appropriate than an adoption contract. This last week has been trying to say the least. That day when I went up to the barn and he looked like he was going to collapse, all I could think about was giving up and returning him to the MSPCA. I wanted so badly to just be done, with everything. Finn kept coming over to me, as I was crying in his stall, and nuzzling my hair. And I just wanted to say to him: JUST BE OKAY. WHY CAN'T YOU JUST BE OKAY. Then the vet came that dug away at his hoof and said, well, it's an abscess. I knew it wasn't an abscess.
I had another vet out a few days ago, a vet at the top of his field in diagnostics. I couldn't even be there because I had to work. Matt was up there all day with Finn. After x-rays, and a lameness exam, Finn was diagnosed with acute laminitis (no rotation).
The first thought that went through my head was that this was all my fault. I moved Finn and put him out on grass, now he has laminitis. I also didn't do my research on the allergy med he was on, dexamethasone, and how it can lead to laminitis. The vet said it wasn't any one thing that caused it, and we're lucky we caught it when we did, and that we introduced Finn slowly to grass which was the right thing to do, and that Finn was probably the 1 in 100 horse that this would happen to...but still. I can't help but blame myself. I feel so guilty. Finn's on a low-sugar grain (carb guard), and vet wants me to cut out supplements (concerned about additives). Keeping him on the doxy, packing his hoof with magna-paste, putting him in boots, icing him constantly, and vet also put him on Isoxsuprine. He's also on stall rest for 30 days, and then we will reevaluate.
I know that this is acute, and that there is no rotation, thank god, but I feel horrible for my poor horse. I'm completely exhausted. This whole week I have felt like a zombie. Between going back and forth to the barn, work, and baby, my brain is fried. I have run the gamut of emotions this past week.
Then, I started thinking. When I adopted this little guy a year and a half ago...I made a commitment to him. I really didn't know what I was committing to at the time, but it was a commitment none the less. Finn had nothing at the time...and a horrible name too (Shrimp). I have given him everything I can, and I hope and think he appreciates what I do for him. In the short time I've had him he's taught me so much-- patience, trusting myself, trusting him, and not giving up, ever. Even though there are days that I regret everything, he is mine for better or for worse.
The vet also diagnosed him with very thin soles. The vet likes to see 15mm, one of Finn's soles is only 6mm, the other is 11mm. This past week I've started thinking about my goals, and if they are really going to be best for the long term health of my horse. I don't know if my horse's hooves/legs will stand up to the rigors of eventing, I may consider dressage, or competitive trails--something I think we'd both really enjoy. Whatever it is, and wherever this road leads us, I know this little guy is mine forever and I'll do whatever I can to keep him happy and healthy.
|Even though hubby wont admit it, he loves Finn just as much as I do|